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I have now completed 33 credits towards my 60 credits needed for my Associates in Accounting. I am half way there, then on to my Bachelors, degree. The two classes I had for the past 9 weeks were SURVEY OF ACCOUNTING: THE MAZE OF NUMBERS & INTRODUCTION TO PHILOSOPHY. I have received 240 out of 250 on both finals, which gave me an A in Philosophy and a B in Accounting.

It is difficult to go through college without much support from friends and family, but there are a few who help make up for it. However the most important thing I have learned so far in this adventure is to motivate myself. I cannot rely on everyone else to make me happy. I am happy that I am breaking the cycle and going to college, hopefully my children will see that they too can go on to college and how important it is. I must create my own happiness, my own motivation. I have overcome so much and have come so far in life I know I can go on further.

I have overcome the abusive upbringing, I have overcome the abusive husbands, I have learned to stand on my own two feet and raise my children the best way I know how, as well as bring in reinforcements when needed. Such as community programs that deal with kids who have special needs. I have 4 great kids each with their own issues. 3 were born preemie; my youngest was full term but suffered the loss of his father at the age of 4.

All have been diagnosed with labels as I like to call them; ADHD, BiPolar, Social Anxiety, PTSD, ODD Autistic Tendencies, and the worst problem of all one has brain damage. Yet through it all we still go on one day at a time. This has strengthened me to keep my eyes on the future.

I will get my degree in Accounting all the way to my Masters in Governmental Accounting. I will make it to a much better financial situation. I will be able to provide for my kids the things they desire. Even if it takes me a lot longer than I expected I will make it there.

The key is to set goals, automatically we think of big goals, but those big goals are made up of little ones along the way. So when you sit down to come up with your goals be sure to write down the little goals you need to get to that big goal. This is exactly what I did. Perhaps that is why I have made it as far as I have.

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Tags: college, goals

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Since family base has been in as of January I have stuck to my decisions and when they get grounded it is for the 24 hrs. I am not sliding just because they butter me up anymore. I am not giving in anymore either. Jordan is learning to do his chores and Deanna is learning to do what I say or she redoes her chores. No more half way done and getting away with it. I am putting my foot down more often and meeting some resistance. For example Deanna is still vindictive and manipulating and Jordan is still trying to make me laugh to get away with things. His crying sprees have gone way down now too. I will not tolerate him crying to get away with anything. I am wise to the changing story routine to.

All around things are changing for the better. Until tonight when I saw just how well this is working when one of my darling children used my toothbrush across a bar of soap and didn’t tell me. What a surprise that was. It’s ok, cause I am still not changing back to where I was ready to throw in the towel. I am moving forward and not letting others distract me from my goals. I have learned a very valuable lesson this week, I cannot control what others think or feel, therefore why obsess over something I cannot change. That is their problem; I have enough of my own.

One more thing, it is amazing how well things work out when you stick to your grounding.

Till next time…. Have a great day!

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Tags: Advice, hardest things to do, Parenting

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Through all the pain that you have met, come to know, and dealt with, one thing is for certain…everything happens for a reason. And right now I hate those words. For I do not know or understand why I went through what I went through. I do not understand why my actions still annoy others and still tear us apart. If my steps to healing and finding answers for my own closure can tear apart a family, then I must ask myself if it is worth it.

Yet I am torn, for all my life I did everything I could to please others, paying close attention not to step on any toes. For once in my life I was going to take charge of my life. Make it the best I could. However, once more I choose to take a step backwards, so as not to bring pain to someone’s life. I am ready to deal with the past, but others are not and I need to accept this and move forward finding a different road that I can still find my own closure without hurting the ones I love.

I have learned something very valuable today. For example two people can watch a car accident and give two different accounts of what happened. Likewise, two people can endure such trauma that in the end they also have two different views of the past. Yes, delving deep into the past could bring out many feelings and memories that cut down to the core, but one must ask, is it worth it if it will bring more pain to those we love?

I guess it would be fair to say I have finally learned what it means when someone tells you that some roads are better off less traveled.

During this difficult time this week, I am going to deal with these issues, but I am refusing to deal with them through my old ways, which was to eat and stuff the pain so deep that I can no longer feel it.

Everyone goes through trials, and everyone deals with them in their own way. I may not be able to control what my family feels, or how they deal with their issues, but I can control how I am going to deal with my own.

“If you want to be happy, put your effort into controlling the sail, not the wind.” – Anonymous

Maggy

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Tags: coping

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